Nobody Real's LiveJournal



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You just can't make some of this stuff up.

Sicilian electronic devices spontaneously combust.

Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot....

posted 08:51


Dutch company invents TheWheel™

I swear. I am not joking.

posted 03:05


Just Smurfy

Smurf, smurf, smurf. I'm so smurfing smurf!

Smurfed for smurfnessCollapse )

posted 05:27

Current Mood: Smurfy


International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

September 19 is the Second Annual Talk Like a Pirate Day!!!

It also just happens to be my birthday. Appears to be somethin might get me to star' celebratin me birthday agin'.

Everyone be sure to participate. Especially at work, unless you c'n get fired fer it.

You are The Cap'n!

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

posted 05:01


Dear (L)Users

The patch to keep the latest "blaster" worm out of your computer was released nearly a month ago. Why did you not bother to download that CRITICAL UPDATE patch?

I know why. It was so you could call me and bitch about your computer rebooting constantly so you can't get the patch or update your virus definitions.

You had the chance, you didn't patch your windows.

You, yes (not you the reader) you the moron who had XP CONSTANTLY REMINDING YOU that there are critical updates that need to be installed, yet you still blow it off. THIS IS YOUR FAULT! I'm not the one responsible for making sure your virus definitions are up to date, I'm not the one responsible for making sure your windows patches are up to date, how could it possibly be my fault that your precious little baby computer got infected? It's not like I personally wrote the damn thing.

But being the ignorant little sheep you are, you will continue to flock to the support number of your ISP and bitch and whine about how there's something wrong with your internet service because your computer keeps rebooting.

I'm being nice, I'm telling you (en masse) how to keep your computer from rebooting long enough so you can download the damn patch, update your virus defenitions, and get the removal tool from symantec. If you continue to be an ass about it, I will simply repeat the IVR message word-for-word and offer zero additional help.

In short: shut up, follow instructions while on the phone, follow instructions AFTER HANGING UP, and if you don't get it removed by the 16th you can at least feel a warm feeling as your computer participates in a world wide ddos of Micro$oft.

posted 05:29


Dear customers

Why the hell can't you think ahead?

You call because you think your account is on hold, but your credit card is out in the car.
You call because you want to sign up/add an e-mail address to your account, but you have absolutely no idea what you want to use.
You call because you can't connect, but you're not ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR COMPUTER.

posted 01:34


You Are a Samurai
You are a Samurai.
You have trained the majority of your life. You are
honerable, you follow your word. You spare no
one once in combat, but that is expected, for
your oponent would do the same to you. You use
a two-handed katana.

What type of Swordsman are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

posted 23:27


Tech support

Rules for calling tech support

1. When we ask for your username we are not asking for your last name, your e-mail address, your home address, your phone number, your hotmail address, or your life's story.

2. When we ask how something is spelled, that means we're asking you to spell it. "just like it sounds" isn't good enough for pretty much anything. If you say "just like it sounds" I will completely butcher the spelling, "waijakakawitz" for example.

3. Don't call a U.S. based company and complain that there is never anyone available that speaks spanish/french/russian/mandarin/klingon/esperanto/whatever. You speak English well enough to bitch and whine, you speak it well enough to troubleshoot a damn dialup connection.

4. Yes, the recording saying we are having nation-wide connectivity issues does mean that you probably won't be able to connect. Yes, the recording that says we are experiencing "severe e-mail latency" does indeed mean that e-mail is being delayed, but will be delivered. In short LISTEN TO THE FUCKING RECORDING.

5. Tech support and billing are different groups with different hours. Just because tech support is open 24/7, that doesn't mean that billing is.

6. The reason we sound apathetic about your problem is because we are. I don't get paid enough to care.

7. There's a little thing called a "user agreement" It's a legally binding document that you agree to every time you connect. You might want to read it and stop threatening to sue us every time you can't check your e-bay auctions.

8. When you start swearing at me you get one warning. After that one warning, if you swear again, I can and will hang up on your ass.

9. When you want credit, you talk to billing.

9a. No, I can't transfer you to billing, it's 3 AM and they're not in. See rule 5.

10. We can't fix your problems when you're not at your computer. Call us back from home.

posted 00:33


heh, so true.

I'm an Atheist!

Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?

Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons

posted 18:07


Real-life head-explodey?

you decide

posted 05:27


Well, I picked up and read the new Harry Potter book yesterday.

I have one completely spoiler-free comment.


posted 00:24


thinking I should use this thing more often

You're Egypt!

Curator of ancient mystical secrets, your life on the surface is fairly
typical these days.  Though you are in denial about more things than most people.
 Nevertheless, you're trying to convince people that you're safe despite your more
volatile and unstable times that seem to be behind you.  You like cats a whole lot.
 You'd probably really appreciate The Blue

the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

posted 23:57

Current Mood: apathetic


random tests.. clipped for convenience.

Read more...Collapse )

posted 22:19


Networked Obedient Being Optimized for Destruction/Ytterbium Robotic Exploration and Assassination Lifeform

In case you're wondering what Ytterbium is, go here and find out.

posted 01:41


Just in case anybody actually looks at my "friends" page, you'll notice some problems.

They are none of my doing. Somebody who shall remain nameless decided to post some quizzes with poorly formatted tables. Not something she knows how to fix, but annoying just the same.

posted 03:43

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